Love is in the air.

Again.

Well, not just in it, but up all around, under and through it.

I can’t start my car, open my front door or ruffle my knee length poly-cotton skirt without running into some creature 'getting busy', 'buzzing by two-ply’ or 'burning the midnight oil on that sultry train back to Georgia'.  Seriously y’all, I turn on my garden hose, close my eyes real tight, plug my ears and duck for cover seeing as I am probably saturating some insect couple’s “DO NOT DISTURB” palmetto-leafed sign to hell and back with the pre-set super soaker.

But all’s fair in love and war, right? 

Because I don’t know about all of you, but I have been nibbled, nicked, nipped, bitten, bruised, sucked on and stung for the past few weeks and I’m here to say I’m sick and tired of it and I’m not going to take it anymore.

Unlike our blood sucking co-patriots, we humans at least know how to show a little self-restraint, close the door, turn on some Cold Play and leave well enough alone….especially if we have had a really big steak dinner or it’s Monday night and Dancing with the Star’s is coming on.

Insects, forget about it.

That’s right, I’m talking to you ants, gnats, love bugs, mayflies, wasps, bumble bees and all other bristly or otherwise winged creatures.  I get you’re looking to board the Love Boat to the stars but I’m not your giddy cruise director Julie or your always smiling Captain Stubbing, either.  If you want to buzz by me ten times in various compromising positions, I don’t need to see it or give you directions to the promenade deck, pond, bedroom, flower bud or bushes.  I just want to enjoy my cocktail without the two of you sloshing around in it.

So this summer, you’re all on your own; every single one of you showboating, sugar addicted, flesh chewing, knee gnawing dubious duos.

Just try and not rub it in.  Or bite me.

I'm only looking to hang out on the back porch for a little with the hubby.  I promise, if you’ll leave us alone for just a few- unlike all of y'all- we’ll be real quick.    

See you ‘round the shrubbery.

 

Living all 40 of her years in the South, Laura is a humor columnist for The Brunswick News/Coastal Illustrated and has been voted Best Local Writer for 2011 and 2012 in Elegant Island Living Magazine.  You can catch up with her on her website at www.lauraleighpackard.com

 

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Comment by Amber Wilson on May 16, 2013 at 10:35am

I can deal with snakes and spiders, but get a bee or wasp around me and I lose all dignity and start waving around like a deranged person! I've been researching how to get rid of them, so, yes, I will rub my skin with dryer sheets, plant garlic in the potted plants and try to keep a fan around me at all time to ward off the bugs this summer! Thanks for sharing!

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